Sunday, April 25, 2010

Review: Cube (1997)

This movie was so terrible, it is actually difficult for me to believe. I mean, Jesus Christ, it is just people wandering around fucking cubes! Once the characters pretty much work out how to tell if a room is going to be trapped or not, it is just them talking garbage for about an hour. Oh God this movie was boring. This is a horror film about people in what is basically a labyrinth, and nobody dies for like the whole fucking movie! They just walk around whining to each other! Shutup and die, you stupid fucking idiots! I don't care about your mathematical gobble-dee-gook, shut the fuck up and die!

I mean, Jesus Christ, this is a movie about death traps, and almost nobody is killed by a fucking death trap! We see that one guy at the very start, and another guy gets acid in the face, but apart from that, nothing. They just walk around, perfectly unharmed! More of them are killed by one of the guys inside the cube than the cube itself! Oh, and by the way, the villain is the one black guy, so this movie, apart from being boring and annoying, is also racist. Hooray!

And I was watching this film with a bunch of people with University degrees in Mathematics, and despite the fact that about half of the dialogue of the film is devoted to incomrehensible garbage about numbers, aparrently none of it makes any sense. They claimed that most of the time that a character actually said something that was actual proper maths that it was just incorrect, and the fact that the way the cube moved didn't bear any fucking correlation to the fucking numbers! I'll trust them over this shitty piece of crap any day.

Aagh I hated this film. I hated it so much.

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